There’s been a lot of information in the press recently about beetroot juice and its potential benefits to health. In a nutshell, it has been argued that beetroot – a vegetable very high in nitrates – can lower blood pressure by widening blood vessels.
Being someone who is always keen to be topical, I thought I’d jump at the chance and bought a one-litre carton of beetroot juice for this week’s food first.
Michael Jackson’s Legal Team lined-up yet another lawsuit…
Beetroot juice’s links with blood pressure reminds me of the time I went to an appointment with a doctor and left with a warning about the dangers of illegal narcotics and the shame of the realisation that I may well have wasted three years at university: –
Flashback to 1999
I had not long finished university and had moved back home to live. I was working my way through the list of things I needed to do in order to make this move official – Contacting the bank to let them know my new address, filling out forms to get a refund for three months’ worth of unused TV licence and signing back up at the local doctors’ surgery. In order to be accurate, I should clarify that I was working through this list at about one item a fortnight – I had blocked-out the whole summer to avoid doing anything remotely work-like in order to prolong those happy-go-lucky feelings of studentdom, before succumbing to the drudgeries of a career for the rest of my life.
I had made an appointment to see the doctor to get a general once-over, hand over a sample of my urine and, in all likelihood, place my testicles in a rubber-gloved hand and cough.
Unfortunately, my inability to wee on command into a test tube and the fact that my university stay had seemingly failed to equip me with any semblance of time management skills meant that I had only left myself five minutes to make a ten minute on-foot journey to the surgery in order to be on time for the appointment.
I was going to be late for the only thing I had scheduled for an entire week. How embarrassing. No wonder students have a bad reputation.
I reasoned that I would be able to make my appointment – just about – if I jogged. I checked the seal on the test tube – Pouring my own urine over myself and then having a one-to-one with a medical professional just wouldn’t be right – and commenced a mad dash up the road.
I made it with seconds to spare. Red-faced and somewhat out of breath, I arrived just as my name appeared on the hi-tech LED screen in the waiting room (It might not seem hi-tech now, but it was ground-breaking technology in the ‘90s!).
I sat down in the doctor’s room and she asked me a few questions about my lifestyle. Smoke? No. Drink? Occasionally(!). She then got out her stethoscope and listened to my inner-workings, followed by the blood pressure thingy (as a recent graduate in the field of Sport Science from Loughborough – THE premier sports university in the country – I should have been able to name that particular piece of medical equipment… But, as was about to transpire, I clearly had learned very little from my three years of study).
‘Oh’ she said. ‘Your heart rate and blood pressure are worryingly high for a person of your age. Can you think of any reason why both are quite so high?’ As she said this, she looked me sternly in the eye. Well, both eyes.
I was taken aback. I shouldn’t have high blood pressure – I was supposed to be at my physical peak. ‘Um… Er… No… Not really.’
She looked me in the eye (or eyes) again and shook her head disapprovingly. In a disappointed tone, she asked ‘Have you recently taken any drugs? You know, like heroin or cocaine.’
I wasn’t expecting that question. ‘No, of course not!’ I was now worrying that she was going to add “drug abuser” to my medical records. I couldn’t have my family finding out I was a suspected drug addict. Oh God! What if I had accidentally, sub-consciously taken Class A narcotics? ‘I honestly and genuinely have no idea why my blood pressure is higher than it should be’ [I imagined if she had measured it again at that point, it would’ve been considerably higher still]
She never cupped my testicles during the remainder of the appointment and I imagined she sent my urine sample off to the World Anti-Doping Association in an attempt to scupper my Olympic dreams. On my way out, she said that I should book another appointment to come back and have my blood pressure re-taken. I was clearly a medical concern.
As soon as I got out of the door, I was hit by a moment of realisation. It dawned on me just how idiotic I can be sometimes… I had run to my appointment. My heart rate and blood pressure were elevated as a result of very recent exercise. Bloody hell, what an idiot! I had just got a 2:1 in my Sport Science degree and I was accused of being a drug user because I couldn’t even recall one of the most basic short-term effects of running around for a bit.
I didn’t go back for the follow-up appointment…
Anyway, how’s that for mis-advertising? I said I was going to be topical and then dug-up a story from almost fourteen years ago. Sorry about that.
Psycho – The Organic Version
Right, beetroot juice…
All I know about, aside from its proclaimed health benefits, it is that it can turn your wee bright red and that it’s a right bugger to get out of any light-coloured upholstery.
Before consumption, I checked my diary for upcoming doctor’s appointments – I’d hate to have to give a sample and have ‘bright red urine’ added to ‘possible drug abuser’ on my medical records. I also made sure I was nowhere near any cream carpets or wedding dresses.
I opened the carton and poured it carefully into a glass. It looked just like red wine… It didn’t smell like red wine, instead, it had an earthy aroma. A mouthful revealed notes of potato with an undercurrent of freshly forked topsoil. A full-bodied greenhouse in a glass, perfect for a springtime picnic in Homebase.
Without access to a blood pressure thingy, I cannot tell you if it had any effect on my blood pressure. It did, however, stain my tongue and teeth a beautiful shade of beet rouge.
Check out my new album… It’s GRRReat… Honest!
Tune in next time for an update on the colour of my urine and another new food…
Corrections, Clarifications & References
- A sphygmomanometer is used to measure blood pressure.
- The World Anti-Doping Association (WADA) wasn’t set-up until November 1999, so the doctor probably put my urine sample in her top drawer for a few months before forwarding it on.
- The Rolling Stones album ‘GRRR’ – A best of collection to commemorate the band’s 50th anniversary (including two new tracks) – is available in all good record stores.
Fifty-Two Weeks of Filling My Cheeks 