I unexpectedly found this week’s food first on top of my wardrobe. It’s not quite the gateway to Narnia some peoples’ closets are; more like a haven for dust and items I had no real use for – but didn’t want to throw away. The container that I now held in my hand was far more diet-plan than Aslan.
Beefcake 4000 in a jar?
I had inherited the 1.2kg container of ‘Maximuscle Lean Definition Promax Diet – Strawberry Flavour’ (Yes, a pretty catchy name) about a year ago and, not being one of those people who works-out or has ever considered weight loss and promoting my muscular definition (I’m not entirely sure I have muscles), I hid it away and, until today, had totally forgotten I owned it.
I’ve always been a bit suspicious of things that promise to help get ‘you ripped’… There seems like there’s something not quite right about them. The word ripped, used in this context just seems wrong… “My abs are well ripped” is unacceptable. “My jeans crotch is ripped” is fine.
I’d be really annoyed if I drank a sneaky glass of a protein shake, got selected to represent Team GB at the Olympics in Greco-Roman wrestling and then failed a drugs test. My sporting dreams in tatters, I would become a social pariah and live out the rest my days scraping a living by whittling wood off-cuts into the shape of birds of prey.
In spite of this concern and swayed by the fact that wrestling has been dropped as an Olympic sport (subject to appeal), I decided to take my chances…
I opened the container. Inside was a sea of pink powder, closely resembling Strawberry Angel Delight. It also smelled like Strawberry Angel Delight. I hadn’t had Angel Delight for ages, so was quite excited – I could relive a treasured pudding from my youth, whilst buffing-up. A pretty good multi-task, if you ask me.
“Barkeep, mine’s a pint of the pink stuff…”
The instructions suggested that I scoop a load (60g) of the powder into a glass and mix with some water (300 – 350ml). It also said that I would get the best results if I drank it immediately after exercise.
Obviously, I wanted to get the best results (the summer holidays are almost upon us and I may want to dazzle the world with a resplendent set of abs), so I went into the garden and did some lunges. [Check out www.lets-do-lunge.co.uk for my expert work-out tips]
Bottoms up…
After a comprehensive training session – five lunges on each leg – I guzzled down my protein shake and waited to see what would happen…
I sincerely hoped the physiological effects would be more positive than the immediate effects on my taste buds. The drink tasted unpleasantly chalky, with a hint of strawberry. It had the essence of an Angel Delight, but the joyful creaminess had been replaced by unsatisfying wateriness. It was, I guess, an Angel Dismay.
Still, I could put up with this particular disappointment if it was to buff me up.
I’ll leave you to decide if it has worked or not… What do you think?
Michael was lazy, overweight and hated how he looked in the mirror. He loved doughnuts more than his family and thought that gym was a shortened version of James. That was until his life was turned around by a combination of lunges and a revolutionary protein shake he found on top of his wardrobe. Now he looks and feels SUPER!
Fifty-Two Weeks of Filling My Cheeks 